The Phrases from My Dad That Rescued Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the truth quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger inability to communicate between men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to ask for a break - going on a short trip away, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."